A Flabulous Girls Guide to Underwear

So this weekend has ended with me tidying my bedroom. A tedious task I don’t do anywhere near as often as I ought. I get bored or distracted. Distracted and bored. But this weekend I managed it. I took chaos, moved chaos and put chaos into other places. Some of it survived and some of it ended up in the bin.

But I need your help. Underwear. I sorted out my underwear drawer. And I am left wondering what the hell I was thinking when I bought some of it.

So my sock collection is relatively normal. Some black plain ones, some striped ones and some novelty ones. A quick sort through, got rid of ones with holes, ones I don’t wear and then the socks were done.

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Next came the pants. Broadly 3 categories again. Sexy pants, not so sexy but comfy pants and then the broadly horrific stomach holding in pants. The ones even Bridget Jones would not dare admitting to owning.

As a self confessed flabulous woman I am wondering, what kind of self respecting flabulous woman would wear these things?! It’s not as if by wearing them I suddenly become thin, or that they are particularly comfortable, they just hold my belly in and make me feel like a bit of a fool.

So dear reader do I keep these pants? Those horrendous torture devices which change the shape of my body to please, well who to please exactly? Love me, love my curves. I’m thinking I should ditch them…

Next came the bras. Now recently I went and got my boobs measured for the first time in ages. I am a 40GG. So there has been a bit of a turn around in this section of my underwear drawer. So the unsupportive Greying cotton ones are now in the bin as are the ones where the underwire has popped out but I kept because they were pretty. I then came across two MINIMISER BRAS. They make your boobs look *smaller*. Now being quite “well endowed” in the booobage department I wondered why on earth I had bought them. They are a nice pair of boobs so I hear, so why the hell would I want to shrink them?! I am frankly disgusted with myself for owning them.

No underwear in the world is going to make me look thin. I might as well face facts. Especially when I do this….

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So I think I’m just going to say to myself, if it makes you feel sexy, buy it and wear it. But don’t feel you have to wear torturous undergarments that push and pull you in all directions. What self respecting flabulous woman would do that to herself!?

Diary of a defector – 5 months on

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It’s been 5 months since I took the decision to become a Liberal Democrat (you can read about that here) and dear reader I am happy in my new political home. The Liberal Democrats I have met are friendly, genuine and generally lovely folk.

I have no regrets on crossing the political floor, it’s been the right thing to do. Because there is nothing worse than walking into a room and feeling like an alien, like someone who doesn’t belong. I wasn’t happy back there, it didn’t feel right. I dunno, it just wasn’t for me. I guess it’s like doing salsa classes, some people love it, others decide they want to do ballroom instead. But I guess the dance enthusiasts don’t get quite the same level of “enthusiastic disagreement” that I did and on occasions still do.

The most fun criticism lately (look at the comments on on this article) was someone who thought that I was a spy/double agent for the lib dems. I mean come now. That’s just hilarious. So on joining the old party I thought “hmmm, y’know this is a perfect opportunity to be a spy for a party I have never been a member of”. I wasn’t spying. It never occurred to me. Just saying.

I do still have some good friends in the Labour Party. Why not? I guess just because salsa dancing wasn’t for me doesn’t mean some of the people there weren’t nice. They were. They are. The ones who accepted my choice without question. You know who you are. 🙂

I have even had a friend from labour contact me about joining the lib dems. You go girlfriend you are going to love it.

I suppose policy wise, I approve of lifting working people out of tax, I don’t approve of internet filters to protect children from online pornography, I agree with free school meals for infant aged children and yeah I still want electoral reform.

So here I am, five months in, still smiling. Laters 🙂

The Good, The Beard and The Ugly

Beards. I love them. Here are 10 facts about the joy of facial hair.

1)

20131008-200522.jpgIn Greco-Roman antiquity the beard was “seen as the defining characteristic of the philosopher; philosophers had to have beards, and anyone with a beard was assumed to be a philosopher.”
Beards make it easier to think. Fact. Stroking a beard aids thinking and this is why any philosopher worth their salt sports a fine beard.

2)

20131008-201132.jpgDid you know there are two online dating websites for those who appreciate a good beard? Beardlover.co.uk and beardiful.com honest!

3)

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According to GQ magazine

The more detailed the style — as in thin beard lines tracing the jaw or ‘creative’ goatees — the higher the wanker factor. Harsh but true.

who knew there was beard etiquette for trendies…

4)

20131008-211607.jpg The 2013 World Beard and Moustache Championships® will take place on November 2, 2013 in Leinfelden-Echterdingen, Germany. Registration is now open.
– See more at: http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

5)

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The British beard club exists! You can see all the epic beards from your area here http://thebritishbeardclub.org/

6)

20131008-212322.jpgAccording to research women will find a man with a 10 day beard much sexier than the same man clean shaven. Come on guys you know it makes sense!

7)

20131008-213611.jpgwhile a beard makes a man look sexier, statistics show just a moustache is a turn off. Sorry guys!

8)

20131008-213900.jpgMany goats possess a beard. The male sometimes urinates on his own beard as a marking behaviour during rutting.

9)

20131008-214147.jpg There is a Beard growth vitamin called Vitabeard.

10)

20131008-214500.jpg Exfoliating ones face encourages hair growth and could make a beard grow faster.

Morning Rituals or wake up and make up

So. My morning routine goes a little like this. Get up wash face, brush teeth, get dressed and go. Maybe sometimes this routine is enhanced by brushing my hair, but quite often not.

The whole thing takes less than 5 minutes and before I know it I am on the bus to work.

While out the other night I compared this with my colleagues. Some of whom spend over an hour getting ready in the morning. An hour! A whole extra glorious hour! They could read, they could bake a cake (they should *so* bake a cake) they could have some more sleep!

I was amazed. I asked them what this routine involved and I still don’t really “get” all the things they do.

So their morning routine goes a bit like this. Shower (ok so I have mine before getting into bed), hair dried (mine dries naturally), straighteners, hair extensions (yes dear reader they put extra hair on their heads…), primer (isn’t this what you put on before wall paper?!) up to two different shades of foundation (two?!), bronzer, blusher, eye make up and so on. Wowzer.

So this got me thinking – is this what normal people do? Am I leaving the house looking rough?! (Actually reader don’t answer that one..) so I asked them if my face was ok… Yep. I asked them.

Feedback wasn’t as savage as I had expected. Under my eyes I have some dark circles. Yes dear reader, yes I do. Apparently they make me look tired. And yes they do. That’s probably due to me being tired. And my eyebrows need “sorting”. Yes, yes granted. I will take it on board.

Both the girls I spoke to would never consider coming into work without make up on and were practically horrified at the suggestion that I might challenge them to go bare faced one day.

Now I am the opposite – I very occasionally wear make up to work. I spend the whole day terrified I look like a clown. An actual clown. I don’t look like me. And I question if it enhances the facial region or distracts away from it. Blimey if it distracts then maybe I should wear it more often!

So make up. I’m not a regular wearer and I never will be. If I look tired it’s because I am. Deal with it.

A note to my 21 year old self..

Hey there Sarah Brown. It’s me, well you really, your 29 year old self.

I wanted to talk to you. You might think there is a whole 9 years to go before you hit the big 3-0 but please dear god don’t go putting too much on that list of things you need to do before you are 30. Because quite frankly I have done none of them. Getting married? Nope. Babies nuhuh. Multimillionaire? Forget it.

So 21 year old Sarah just because you won’t do what “society” wants don’t think you are useless. You are pretty damn awesome all told. If a little crazy at times. So you might not have 2.4 children and an attractive if dull husband/life parter, but you will do some awesome things.

You’ll stand for election, you’ll fall in love, you’ll fall out of love, you’ll join a political party, you’ll leave it and join another political party, you’ll be on the telly, you’ll speak in front of hundreds of people. You’ll meet the deputy prime minister, you’ll sing ridiculous songs with an MP. You’ll drink too much, you’ll send too many texts when you are drunk. I could tell you not to, but we both know you will.

You’ll work in HR, you’ll sing at work, you’ll eat sushi. You’ll knit, you’ll watch way too much Doctor Who. You’ll never be quite sure where your life is going.

But you won’t need to, you still won’t, even when you are just a hop skip and a jump away from 30.

Keep going Sarah Brown, you’ll get there.

Just maybe put the marriage, babies and stuff on the 40 before 40 list yeah?

Love your 29 year old self.

Xxx

So why would you buy a jumper?

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I have recently started knitting. I have made a selection of things some big, some small. I enjoy it and I get something unique I can wear at the end of it.

Plus it’s cheap! My mum knitted me a fab bright green jumper for my birthday and the wool cost her £12. I saw some similar jumpers in the shops today that cost £40! The home knitted things are warmer and if you get fed up with it you can pull it down and start again.

So why not try it? I knit on the bus, in the pub, on the train. It gets you talking to new people and there are some fab yarns and patterns out there! 🙂

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